Ticket to Heaven

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Ticket to Heaven
Author:
Type: Comedic Skit
Audience: Youth
Occasion: General
Topic: Heaven
Bible Text: Matthew 7:21-23

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Brief Summary

Guy suddenly dies and finds himself outside the gates of heaven with all his earthly junk. He sees others getting into heaven and tries to go into heaven himself, but St. Peter stops him because he can't bring in all that junk. Finally Jesus comes on the scene and helps him out. However he still isn't able to get into heaven and figures out that it's because he doesn’t know Jesus.

Characters

  • Gary; a little arrogant, some temper (main character, big part)
  • Jesus; calm rational, caring (big part)
  • Pete “Pete the bouncer” big, intimidating and tough (supporting character, medium role)
  • Extra 1 (small role, little speaking role)
  • Extra 2 (small role, no speaking)
  • Tom (small role, no speaking, some physical acting)

Props Needed

  • Pearly Gates and a velvet rope like at a club
  • Robe outfit for Jesus
  • Bouncer outfit for Pete, possibly including secret service ear piece, sunglasses etc
  • TV, I-POD, Phone, DVD’s, Car Keys, Beer Bottles, Cigarettes, Dirty Magazines, lap top computer etc - These items can be changed depending on what is needed to be talked about in your church.
  • Every Extra and Gary needs a wallet
  • Extra 3 “tom” needs a wallet with several pictures in it
  • Gary needs some “tax papers” and something that looks like a church attendance sheet.

Script

[Gary awakens on the floor to some weird surroundings. All his possessions are in a pile next to him on a cart. He can’t remember what happen but soon the fog clears and he figures out that he died and is outside of heaven]

Gary: What happened? Where is this place? What’s all my stuff doing here?

[Extra 1 walks past him]

Gary: Hey! YOU! Wait up. Where are we?

Extra 1: You mean you don’t know?

Gary: I wouldn’t be asking if I knew would I? Just tell me where I am.

Extra 1: Come with me and I’ll show you… Ahh here we are. Hey Pete.

[The two of them walk to the Pearly Gates and the extra flashes something to St Peter, but Gary and the audience can’t see what it is. St Peter lets Extra 1 into heaven. Gary tries to follow, but Peter stops him.]

Gary: Um…I’m with him

Pete: No, you’re with yourself and I can’t just let you into heaven.

Gary: Surely you must be joking, Why NOT?!

Pete: Well for starters, my name is Pete, not Shirley. And secondly, you don’t need all that junk.

Gary: What! But these are all my prized possessions. I need all of this stuff. How am I supposed to enjoy myself without my TV or My IPOD or my [pulls out a beer bottle on accident, and quickly puts it back embarrassed]? Um well you get the point; I need this stuff to have fun.

Pete: So be it; you just can’t bring that stuff in here.

Gary: That’s ridiculous. I want to speak to the manager, or whoever’s in charge here.

Pete: Fine, I’ll ring him up…… Oh here he is now.

Gary: Wow, He’s got good timing!

Pete: You can say that Again

Gary: Wow, he’s got good timing!

Jesus: What’s the problem?

Gary: Pete says I can’t bring this stuff into heaven. Is that true?

Jesus: You don’t need this stuff here.

Gary: Well that’s a matter of opinion.

Jesus: Here let me help you go through it. I can help you get rid of this stuff. [Pulls out beer bottles] For instance, you definitely don’t need these. [Drops them in a trash bag]

Gary: [embarrassed] I only brought a few [nervous chuckle]

Jesus: [pulls out cigarettes] or these.

Gary: I was in the process of cutting back and quitting

Jesus: I can help you with that by the way [throws them in the trash bag and grabs the dirty magazines]. I’m gonna take these away as well, if you don’t mind.

Gary: [nervously] Oh…uh those aren’t mine. I don’t know how those got in there. There must have been a mix up.

Jesus: Yeah, I hear that a lot [throws trash bag in the trash can]

[Extra 2 walks on stage walks up to Pete and flashes something from a wallet, but it is again unseen. Pete nods and Extra 2 walks into heaven]

Gary: All right so I’m good to go right? [Walks up to the gate and Pete stops him]. What is there a cover charge? Do you want some money? [Pulls out a check book]. How much do I owe you, I’ve got a lot?

Jesus: Your money’s no good here, & besides you still have let go of the rest of that stuff

Gary: Okay, so I understand about that other uh stuff and you can have all of it, but what about the rest of my stuff. It isn’t bad, right? Why can’t I take it?

Jesus: It isn’t bad, but you just don’t need it here. And besides, it’s all mine anyways. You didn’t own any of it. You were just borrowing it from me.

Gary: [exasperated] Fine take it, but I’m keeping my IPOD!

[Gary grabs the IPOD as Jesus takes the cart, but Jesus just stares at him with his hand out waiting for the IPOD. Pete the bouncer walks up and “helps” i.e. strong arms Gary to give up his IPOD and then Pete hands it to Jesus.]

Gary: Fine you can keep it. I hope you have Cable or a Wii in there or something. Don’t you ever get complaints?

Jesus: Not yet, we tend to have plenty of our own fun

[Jesus wheels the cart off stage. Gary walks towards the gates and again Pete stops him].

Gary: [very frustrated] Oh Come on! I don’t have anything any more, let me in.

Pete: I’m sorry but there is 1 thing you need to get in. Without it, I can’t let you in.

Gary: Look, if this is about church, I went! Look here’s my membership card. I even tithed sort of regularly…see here’s my tax write off to prove it! You can even talk to the Pastor to check all this out, he’s a great guy. So HAH! Now let me in.

Pete: I’m sorry sir, but none of that is what I was looking for. I still can’t let you in.

Gary: [drops to his knees totally frustrated, shouts] Well, what in the hell do I have to have to get in here!

[Tom walks in, flashes his wallet at Pete and walks into heaven, but Gary tackles him and grabs the wallet]

Gary: [angrily] What is it?! What do you have that I don’t?! Give it to me!

[Gary finally gets the wallet from Tom just as Pete is pulling Gary away, while Jesus re-enters and has his head in his ands shaking his head. Tom is very confused, but Jesus whispers something in his ear and Tom gains composure, brushes himself off and walks into heaven without his wallet. ]

Gary: It’s just a picture of you with him? That is what got him into heaven. [Gary desperately flips through his own wallet and realizes he doesn’t have a picture of him with Jesus]

Jesus: It’s more than that. [He points at the picture] You see that’s Tom and I having coffee together last week. [Flips to a different picture] Here we are going on a rollercoaster that he almost threw up on me. And that’s me with Tom when his son was born, that was awesome. [Pointing to another picture] I was even there with him when his mom died.

Gary: I don’t get it?

Jesus: You see; Tom and I knew each other. We talked about our lives; we got to know each other over many years. We began to trust each other a lot. We even talked about ourselves to other people. Tom would tell them stories and share with them about his experiences with me and some of those people would end up getting to know me too. And I would talk about Tom to my Dad who always loved to hear the stories. Early on Tom wanted to join my Family, and at my request, my Dad adopted Tom. Tom and I made sacrifices for each other. And even though it wasn’t always smooth, we were always friends…better than friends. I know Tom, I love Tom and that’s why I got my dad to let him in. But you never got to know me. I visited you, I wrote, I called, I texted, I even twittered. But you never really answered back. Gary what I’m trying to say is …. I never KNEW you.

Gary: I know, I know, but I was busy [trails off this sentence]...I thought I would have time to get to know you later. [Gary hangs his head, genuinely sad, crying if possible]

[Jesus puts his arm around Gary and they begin to walk off stage, while talking and eventually the conversation just trails off. ]

Jesus: Well Gary, tell me how is Sarah doing?

Gary: She’s doing okay.

Jesus: And your kids how are they?

Gary: Oh, well Scott just got a job and is doing great.

[After Gary and Jesus exit, Pete takes center stage with the bible]

Pete: Not everyone who says to me, “Lord, Lord,” will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, “Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?” Then I will tell them plainly, “I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!” Matthew 7:21-23


THE END


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