How Not to Hook Someone Up

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How Not to Hook Someone Up
Author: Brian M
Type: Comedic Skit
Audience: Adults
Occasion: General
Topic: Evangelism
Bible Text:  :

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Brief Summary

A man tries to get a stranger to marry a women, using the worst methods possible, but all ways that we use to try and get people to build a relationship with God.

Characters

Four people, one must be a woman and one must be a man. The roles are: Evangelist, Preacher, the intended, and victim.

Props Needed

A door that can open, piece of paper for resume, something that will work as a car for people to sit in.

Script

How Not to Hook Someone Up This can all be done on the same set, as one continuous event, or as separate ideas. The words of each new idea can be the transition as they appear on the screen at the right times.


Option One: Read about Her

(Man comes to the Door of a house and knocks)

Evangelist: You don't know me Sir, but I know a wonderful woman you have got to marry. Here is her resume (Hands man a paper). As you can see, she is fully qualified to be a wife and has an excellent background.

Man: (Slightly panicked) Who are you?

Evangelist: (bad salesman sounding) I'm the guy that will get you the perfect wife, just look at her credentials. Excellent history of caring, only gets angry when you deserve it. Just read her resume, she's perfect for you.

Man: I have never seen this woman before in my life, how can I tell anything about her just because of a sheet of paper you give me. How can she know anything about me? She's never met me before. Please go away (man shuts door).


Option Two: Promises and Comparisons

Evangelist: (knocks on the door again) Hello again sir. I didn't get a chance to tell you about all the great things you get when you marry this woman. She's amazingly wealthy, will give you a mansion, everything your heart desires.

Man: Really? How do you know this stuff?

Evangelist: Well it's in her resume, sort of. Plus, I married her sister. Amazing woman, same promises.

Man: (A bit eagerly) So you have a Cadillac, a mansion, and a million dollars then?

Evangelist: It doesn't work quite like that, actually. You get that stuff later.

Man: So you're wasting my time, then? (Slams the door)


Option Three: Bait and Switch

(Evangelist knocks on the door again. Man opens it visibly upset)

Man: What?!

Evangelist: Sorry. I think we got off on the wrong foot.

Man: Actually, you're just scaring me.

Evangelist: Look, there's a great party done the street. Let me take you to it as a way of apologizing. It'll be really fun, great people, a great time.

Man: (kind of tentatively) well ok. But only to the party, I just want to have a good time.

(The two of them walk out the door and towards the car, when a man dressed in a suit pops out from behind the car),

Evangelist: Oh, here's the pastor now. (Opens the door of the car for a woman to get out). Now you just need to get married.

Man: (Backing away) You said we'd go to a party, not get married.

Evangelist: We will go to the party, but first there's a little ceremony we think you'll enjoy.

Man: NOO!!!! (runs back inside).


Option Four: Threats

(Evangelist is back at the man's door)

Man: Please go away or I'm calling the cops

Evangelist: Now that isn't necessary sir. I just wanted to make sure you knew why I was trying to get you to marry this woman so hard.

Man: That would be nice, so why have you been driving me nuts today?

Evangelist: Because she loves you. But she also has a gun, and is going to kill you if you won't marry her.

(woman in the car waves a gun)

Man: (absolutely terrified, begins to run away from both of them)


Options Five: One Last Act

(The man is running, and runs straight into something, or if the car can move then he gets run over)

Evangelist runs over to the man

Evangelist: Now that you're dying I really hope you will reconsider marrying her. It would be a terrible shame for you to die without getting married, think about what you would have lost.

Man: (raspy) Get away from me.

Everyone freezes.

A narrator comes on stage

Narrator: This guy was crazy, wasn't he? We'd never try to hook someone up like this person tried to do. If we have a great person we want to introduce to someone, we make sure we know both people, right? We spend time with them, introduce them to our friends, let them get to know each other, tell them great stories about the other person. We'd never try to get someone to fall in love like this, would we? No.

So if we wouldn't peddle human love like this, why do we treat God's love so badly? Everything you saw today was a way people try to get others to fall in love with God.


Evangelistm Comparisons:

  1. Read About Her: Tracks and pamphlets distributed at random
  2. Promises and Comparisons: We emphasize what God can do, but don't have it ourselves.
  3. Bait and Switch: We invite people to have fun and then try to trick them to become a Christian.
  4. Threats: We emphasize hell over love, and God will do to us over what God has already done for our sake.
  5. One Last Act: We wait until someone is dying to tell them about God's love, wasting so much time.


Message Ideas that Use this Topic

 DirectionChapterVerseCategory
A Redemptive Person is a NeighborEvangelism is building bridges so we become true neighbors.1 Corinthians 916-23Message Idea
Equipped to MinisterGod has equippped you to get involved with people, so you can show them love and Christ.Luke 191-10Message Idea
Evangelism - Not just a GameGod has a simple purpose for our churches, for us.Matthew 2816-20Message Idea
How Extravagent is the Father's Love for UsWe are to be radically different than the world, showing the message of God in us.Ezekiel 322-5:17Message Idea
Let the One Who Has Ears to Hear take Heed!We must not hoard the seeds of life others have given us, but sow them for others.Luke 81-15Message Idea
Speaking ClearlyOur lives attract people to hear about God. That is our first witnessActs 41-15Message Idea
Standing Up for GodStanding up for God in an un-godly CultureDaniel 38-30Message Idea
Tried to see JesusTo Jesus, all people are of equal importance, and they should be to us too.Luke 97-9Message Idea
Trying Templates OutxcActs 82Message Idea